I'm sitting at home, the West Wing is on, the stove is on and I'm cooking some pasta. I have just hung up a load of washing and there is a strong likelihood that after writing this blog I will vacuum the house. This is my Saturday afternoon.
My wife has gone to the hairdressers and I am home alone. This is why my day is full of structure yet will ultimately end with very little actually getting done. This is what I do. This is not what I had planned. I should be doing some exercise right now. That's what I said I would be doing right now. But here is the thing - exercise is boring.
My wife and I spent this morning rehearsing for our show. Trying to remember lines is almost as boring as exercise but we're getting there. If anything I'm proving to be the weak link, in my defense I'm actually very good at delivering lines once I've remembered them, unfortunately I'm not very good at remembering them. So what I thought I would do was use my afternoon wisely and do some exercise because as soon as my wife gets home I'm going to have to do more rehearsing.
Which brings me back to my initial point, exercise is boring. I always feel better after exercising but it's all about the motivation to start the exercise that trips me up. I was going to go for a swim, but I would have been equally happy to go for a run. Just doing some exercise would make me feel like I've achieved something with my day. But the motivation isn't there because the actual exercise itself is boring.
Any exercise that I do today would be by myself and exercising by yourself is boring. Sure I can listen to my iPod (I probably wouldn't listen to my iPod if I went for a swim), but if I wanted to listen to music I could do that on my sofa and eat Doritos whilst doing it. Listening to music does make it less boring but it doesn't completely mask the fact that exercise is still boring.
What I don't want to acknowledge is that I'm nervous. All guys get nervous when they're in my position. We don't like to admit it and we won't talk about it amongst friends down the pub but this, right here, is as tense as a man's life gets. It's my nerves that is causing my lack of motivation. But why am I nervous? Because my wife is at the hairdressers!!
When your wife goes to the hairdressers one of two things is going to happen. The first option is that she goes and has a haircut but you don't notice the difference. That is a problem, you need to notice. Not noticing is wrong and not an option. Men hate change but, Ladies, there needs to be enough of a change for us to notice so we can comment on how nice the hair looks. Commenting that the hair looks nice is also the only acceptable response by the way, don't even entertain the notion of saying that it doesn't look nice. If you are a man who is contemplating saying that your lady's hair doesn't look nice I have one word for you - DON'T. Given that I already know she's at the hairdressers, and actually drove her to the hairdressers myself, it seems unlikely that I won't remember that she went to the hairdressers. I need to remember. I must notice.
The second option is a tricky one. This is what I'm sure I'll be facing when my wife gets home this afternoon. This is where there is a sizable change to the hair, either in colour or in cut. It's the not knowing that causes the stress. After a couple of days I'll get used to whatever she has done, men are adaptable that way. But she said that she was going to go from blonde to brunette. That's a lot of change for a man (me) to deal with in one day.
The thing is, it doesn't matter what her hair looks like, my wife will always be beautiful to me. But if this haircut sucks my beautiful wife will be upset, and then I'm going to have to make her feel better. That will involve romantic gestures and a trip back to the hairdressers at a later date to 'fix it up'. Then I'll have a whole day of stress again next week. So next weekend will suck as well, all because the hairdresser fucked up. No man can deal with 2 weekends in a row of haircut stress. Do hairdressers know how important they are? Do they realise the ramifications of their mistakes?
So you see, I can't exercise today. I'm a nervous wreck. I'm going to start drinking. Maybe if I'm asleep when she comes home it'll buy me some time. I'll figure out a plan... after the next episode of the West Wing.
Note: The wife returned an hour after writing this blog and her hair looked very different. I can happily report that not only did I notice this change but my wife is also very excited about her new hair colour. This really was the best possible outcome for everyone (and when I say, "everyone" I mean, "me"). By the following day I was used to the new colour and, apart from a minor hiccup in the supermarket when I couldn't find her because I was still looking for a blonde, life has returned to normal.
Monday, 23 January 2012
Monday, 9 January 2012
The Christmas Break
Hope you had a good Christmas break. Sorry about not writing for a while. I've been quite busy rehearsing for the Adelaide Fringe show my wife and I are doing. I've mentioned it before, it's called Mr&Mrs and you should totally come... or at least read about how it's going (when I get around to writing about it).
The rehearsals are going well. We've pretty much written it all now, although some minor editing is going on with every rehearsal. I'm not sure I'll remember all of the changes so there will be bits that we just have to wing. You don't get to do that when you're an actor performing someone else's work. But since we wrote it in the first place I guess we can screw it up as much as we like on stage and just pretend like we originally wrote it that way.
I find rehearsing so mind numbingly tedious. Given that we've got another month and a half of rehearsals ahead of us I'm super excited for all the fun I'm going to be having in February. It's a weird thing, you write it and you're proud of it, but the learning sucks. After you've actually performed it you get this sense that it was all worthwhile and you can't wait to start working on the next show... that's why I'm writing about it now - I want to remember what it's really like.
So, on a different topic, I was pretty surprised when I found out that the comedy industry pretty much shuts down over Christmas in Australia. I'm used to the UK when comedians make half of their yearly earnings in the month of December. So when I found out that for a month from the middle of December I wouldn't be working, I was understandably quite confused.
You see, the British love to drink. Christmas is a time to celebrate and a fantastic excuse for a drink. So since comedy clubs serve alcohol, the British love going to comedy clubs in December. Comedians, of course, hate doing gigs in December because the audiences are drunk twats. But the money goes up in December and there are more gigs so we do as many of them as we can in the hope that we can pay off the debt we accrued in August at the Edinburgh Festival.
This December I hardly did any gigs. It seems that in Australia Christmas is a time to spend with your family. I can only assume that this forced time with your family causes many to drink. They could be doing that drinking in a comedy club and I could be earning some actual money.
Now we're approaching the middle of January and the comedy clubs are starting to open back up again. I'm doing a gig this week, I'm MCing actually, and the audience will expect us to be at the top of our game. Lofty expectations given that the entire bill won't have gigged for at least 3 weeks. It'll be a gig of mistakes and missed punchlines. That's not to say it won't be a lot of fun, but it certainly won't be slick.
I spent half an hour this evening trying to relearn my own jokes. That's a weird time for a comic. Once you learn a joke you kind of take it for granted that you know it. But after a bit of a break it becomes something you need to think about. I get jittery when I haven't done a gig for a week, having not done a gig for a month is a very strange sensation indeed.
The other option of course would be to just assume you know the jokes and then work out you actually don't know it when you're on stage and halfway through the joke you can't remember the punchline to... I've done that before.
To recap, I'm currently learning jokes that I should already know and, simultaneously, I'm learning jokes that I wrote with my wife about our marriage. But tonight I'm writing about learning stuff that I should really be spending time learning. When will I ever learn...
The rehearsals are going well. We've pretty much written it all now, although some minor editing is going on with every rehearsal. I'm not sure I'll remember all of the changes so there will be bits that we just have to wing. You don't get to do that when you're an actor performing someone else's work. But since we wrote it in the first place I guess we can screw it up as much as we like on stage and just pretend like we originally wrote it that way.
I find rehearsing so mind numbingly tedious. Given that we've got another month and a half of rehearsals ahead of us I'm super excited for all the fun I'm going to be having in February. It's a weird thing, you write it and you're proud of it, but the learning sucks. After you've actually performed it you get this sense that it was all worthwhile and you can't wait to start working on the next show... that's why I'm writing about it now - I want to remember what it's really like.
So, on a different topic, I was pretty surprised when I found out that the comedy industry pretty much shuts down over Christmas in Australia. I'm used to the UK when comedians make half of their yearly earnings in the month of December. So when I found out that for a month from the middle of December I wouldn't be working, I was understandably quite confused.
You see, the British love to drink. Christmas is a time to celebrate and a fantastic excuse for a drink. So since comedy clubs serve alcohol, the British love going to comedy clubs in December. Comedians, of course, hate doing gigs in December because the audiences are drunk twats. But the money goes up in December and there are more gigs so we do as many of them as we can in the hope that we can pay off the debt we accrued in August at the Edinburgh Festival.
This December I hardly did any gigs. It seems that in Australia Christmas is a time to spend with your family. I can only assume that this forced time with your family causes many to drink. They could be doing that drinking in a comedy club and I could be earning some actual money.
Now we're approaching the middle of January and the comedy clubs are starting to open back up again. I'm doing a gig this week, I'm MCing actually, and the audience will expect us to be at the top of our game. Lofty expectations given that the entire bill won't have gigged for at least 3 weeks. It'll be a gig of mistakes and missed punchlines. That's not to say it won't be a lot of fun, but it certainly won't be slick.
I spent half an hour this evening trying to relearn my own jokes. That's a weird time for a comic. Once you learn a joke you kind of take it for granted that you know it. But after a bit of a break it becomes something you need to think about. I get jittery when I haven't done a gig for a week, having not done a gig for a month is a very strange sensation indeed.
The other option of course would be to just assume you know the jokes and then work out you actually don't know it when you're on stage and halfway through the joke you can't remember the punchline to... I've done that before.
To recap, I'm currently learning jokes that I should already know and, simultaneously, I'm learning jokes that I wrote with my wife about our marriage. But tonight I'm writing about learning stuff that I should really be spending time learning. When will I ever learn...
Thursday, 24 November 2011
The Emotions of Writing
Sorry I haven't written a blog for a while. I genuinely am sorry. I should have made the time and I feel guilty for not doing it. The problem has been I've been having too much fun. That's kind of how I am with writing. I write best when an emotion overcomes me.
I'm not the only comedian who's like this. Last night I was chatting to a comic who confessed he writes best when he's angry. I can totally see his point. I need different emotions for different types of writing.
I write my best standup when I'm angry or pissed off, or a combination of the two. Standup, for me, seems to come from a sense of frustration. An audience relates to that feeling of hopelessness when you can't seem to catch a break and a situation turns against you. Then they want to live through your anger or revenge, even if they know the situation is made up, because they want to hear about someone getting the upper hand in exactly the way they wish they had.
I write for TV and radio shows much better when I'm feeling poor. It's not that I don't enjoy writing for other people (it is a little) but I tend to lack any focus and discipline with my writing. When I need the money and can't afford to get fired for not doing anything, that tends to focus my mind and dramatically increases my output.
But to write this blog I need to be bored or in need of a distraction. Thing is, I haven't been bored lately. I've been having a lot of fun and I've had too many other things going on to distract me. That's not to say that you're not important to me too. It's just that the sun has been out and that means picnics and that means drinking wine. It's raining this week and so I'm writing this blog, and drinking wine. Wine is the constant in my life.
Professionally I've been really busy. I've been writing a show with my wife. It's called 'Mr & Mrs' and we're performing it at the Adelaide Fringe and the Sydney Comedy Festivals next year. It's about how we're both standup comedians and the strain this puts on our marriage. If I'm being honest we fight more when we're working together than at any other time in our marriage. So I haven't been able to write the blog because I've been writing the show and I've been getting yelled at. And you can't write a blog when someone is yelling at you, that just tends to make them yell more.
I've also been doing a few more gigs. It's been fun to get out there a bit more lately. I've been writing new jokes and stuff. It's always exciting when you do new material, it give you a real jolt of adrenalin. So I haven't been able to write a blog because I've been too self involved.
A little while ago I planted a little herb/vegetable garden and I've really enjoyed pottering about with it. I've been eating lettuce, basil and mint that I grew and that's made me stupidly happy. Also we got a new BBQ. This is a triumphant event in an Australian man's life. So I haven't been able to write a blog because I've been growing, cooking and eating stuff. And a well fed man is not bored enough to write a blog.
This isn't just a writing thing. A friend of mine admitted a little while ago that when he's on holiday he only takes photos when he's bored. He said that that's why his photos are always there dull scenery shots. It's because when he's doing something awesome and exciting he's too busy having fun to take photos of it. I always thought that about the people who always take photos of everyone when they're down the pub with friends. I never take photos of friends when we're down the pub because I'm enjoying the moment too much to interrupt the fun by taking a photo. These people spend a whole evening watching fun through a camera lens and have to look at the photos the next day to make sure they had a good time the night before.
So why am I writing this blog? Guilt. I felt guilty. It's not like I've had loads of messages from people asking me where my weekly blog has been the past few weeks. I've actually only been asked 3 times and given how many people I get reading my blog it's a little insulting that only 3 of you noticed I wasn't around. But I've felt guilty because I told myself that I would write this blog each week and as a lack of discipline in my writing is one of my many flaws I need to actually write each week.
So I'm back and I'll be back to writing this thing each week. Or at least until I get a new distraction, or I get yelled at. Given that the show is currently in the editing phase that's a possibility.
Don't forget to follow me on twitter: @counterproduct
And check out our website with details about the show and things:
http://counterproductives.tumblr.com
I'm not the only comedian who's like this. Last night I was chatting to a comic who confessed he writes best when he's angry. I can totally see his point. I need different emotions for different types of writing.
I write my best standup when I'm angry or pissed off, or a combination of the two. Standup, for me, seems to come from a sense of frustration. An audience relates to that feeling of hopelessness when you can't seem to catch a break and a situation turns against you. Then they want to live through your anger or revenge, even if they know the situation is made up, because they want to hear about someone getting the upper hand in exactly the way they wish they had.
I write for TV and radio shows much better when I'm feeling poor. It's not that I don't enjoy writing for other people (it is a little) but I tend to lack any focus and discipline with my writing. When I need the money and can't afford to get fired for not doing anything, that tends to focus my mind and dramatically increases my output.
But to write this blog I need to be bored or in need of a distraction. Thing is, I haven't been bored lately. I've been having a lot of fun and I've had too many other things going on to distract me. That's not to say that you're not important to me too. It's just that the sun has been out and that means picnics and that means drinking wine. It's raining this week and so I'm writing this blog, and drinking wine. Wine is the constant in my life.
Professionally I've been really busy. I've been writing a show with my wife. It's called 'Mr & Mrs' and we're performing it at the Adelaide Fringe and the Sydney Comedy Festivals next year. It's about how we're both standup comedians and the strain this puts on our marriage. If I'm being honest we fight more when we're working together than at any other time in our marriage. So I haven't been able to write the blog because I've been writing the show and I've been getting yelled at. And you can't write a blog when someone is yelling at you, that just tends to make them yell more.
I've also been doing a few more gigs. It's been fun to get out there a bit more lately. I've been writing new jokes and stuff. It's always exciting when you do new material, it give you a real jolt of adrenalin. So I haven't been able to write a blog because I've been too self involved.
A little while ago I planted a little herb/vegetable garden and I've really enjoyed pottering about with it. I've been eating lettuce, basil and mint that I grew and that's made me stupidly happy. Also we got a new BBQ. This is a triumphant event in an Australian man's life. So I haven't been able to write a blog because I've been growing, cooking and eating stuff. And a well fed man is not bored enough to write a blog.
This isn't just a writing thing. A friend of mine admitted a little while ago that when he's on holiday he only takes photos when he's bored. He said that that's why his photos are always there dull scenery shots. It's because when he's doing something awesome and exciting he's too busy having fun to take photos of it. I always thought that about the people who always take photos of everyone when they're down the pub with friends. I never take photos of friends when we're down the pub because I'm enjoying the moment too much to interrupt the fun by taking a photo. These people spend a whole evening watching fun through a camera lens and have to look at the photos the next day to make sure they had a good time the night before.
So why am I writing this blog? Guilt. I felt guilty. It's not like I've had loads of messages from people asking me where my weekly blog has been the past few weeks. I've actually only been asked 3 times and given how many people I get reading my blog it's a little insulting that only 3 of you noticed I wasn't around. But I've felt guilty because I told myself that I would write this blog each week and as a lack of discipline in my writing is one of my many flaws I need to actually write each week.
So I'm back and I'll be back to writing this thing each week. Or at least until I get a new distraction, or I get yelled at. Given that the show is currently in the editing phase that's a possibility.
Don't forget to follow me on twitter: @counterproduct
And check out our website with details about the show and things:
http://counterproductives.tumblr.com
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
Pick Your Targets
I make my money from making fun of people. Sometimes it's not clever but it's what I do. It's not all that I do, on occasion I also tell carefully nuanced stories and comment on the struggle of life... but often I resort to making fun of people because it gets a laugh and that's what I'm paid to do.
That's not to say that I have given myself a license to make fun of everyone. Yes, for the record, I am in charge of issuing licenses entitling the holder to vilify a target of their choosing, what of it? Even so, there are certain groups of people that I don't make fun of, or if I do, it's not because of their association with that group.
For instance, I would never attack someone for being gay but I would point out if someone, who happened to be gay, was being a dickhead. Whatever the joke I made wouldn't be based around their sexuality but on their action that, I felt, made them seem like a dickhead. On one particular occasion I told a joke about a conversation I had with a gay person I knew. In the story I didn't once mention that they were gay because it wasn't important for the story/joke so I left it out. This didn't detract from making it funny but it did detract from making it mean. Maybe I'm old fashioned but if the audience doesn't have to work out if they're 'allowed' to laugh at something it allows them more time to actually laugh at something.
A few weeks ago I told a joke around the topic of anorexia. The joke wasn't about anorexia specifically but was about a woman who voiced her objection to the joke before I had told it. She was offended by the topic before I had finished the joke and my piece was lampooning her reaction. I took great care to avoid voicing any opinion or criticism of those suffering from anorexia for 2 reasons, firstly because I know very little on the subject and secondly because I don't think it's right for an ill-informed jester to poke fun at people suffering from a mental illness. But that's just my opinion.
Many years ago I was told that a joke that I did about a conversation with my then girlfriend (who later became my wife) was misogynistic and that, by implication, I was a misogynist. The joke was about a conversation with a specific individual who happened to be female and never once generalised the view of any gender or group. I hadn't stated or implied that my girlfriend's reaction was 'typical of women' nor anything of the sort. The only reason the audience knew her gender at all was because, by stating she was my girlfriend, it quickly addressed why we were lying naked in bed at the time, which was important to the joke.
The person who said this to me, who's gender is not important, told me that she (whoops) didn't like the joke and that I should change it because it was offensive to women. At the time it upset me and it still makes me angry that someone could construe that because of this joke that I was misogynistic. I think that it's just as offensive to avoid telling a joke about an individual because they are a part of a subset of society as if you generalise about the entire subset. I continued to do the joke because I thought this person was wrong and hey, sometimes women over-react (that's a joke - the author would like to state that both men and women are equally prone to over-reacting).
What i've noticed on the circuit lately is comedians telling jokes that are really mean and disparaging to people who have lowly paid jobs, simply because they have lowly paid jobs. People such as cleaners or staff in fast food restaurants. Again, not every joke that mentions these groups of people is offensive.
A friend of mine has a fabulous story about ordering food in a Red Rooster and the ridiculous events that followed. But that is a specific persons actions, my friend doesn't generalise and say that he did this because he is part of a group. It's very clear that the actions of the person working in the store are the actions of an idiot. Comedians can make fun of people who act like idiots, it says so on our license... which I issued.
What I'm saying is, pick your targets. Don't make fun of someone because they are a cleaner. There could be a thousand reasons why this person didn't become a brain surgeon and instead works the nightshift in the office you work at. To do so is insensitive and mean. But if that individual cleaner does something or says something that is funny then feel free to tell me about it.
I'm just a bit annoyed by people being mean to groups who didn't do anything as a group. If they act as a group then the can be judged as a group but if they act as an individual don't belittle them just because it's easier for you to be lazy and judge them collectively. A good example is the train drivers who work on the underground (tube) in London. They are often criticised by comedians as a group, but they also act as a group and take strike action as a group. It is their willingness to act as a collective that justifies them being judged as a collective. Of course you can judge groups as a whole but do it fairly. Another example, I don't think it's right to say that all Catholics are 'something' but I think it's entirely appropriate to say that the shared actions of the catholic church are hypocritical and harmful to humanity.
I'm not really sure what I'm getting at. I guess the hypocrisy of comedians annoys me sometimes. Comedians do some shit jobs to 'pay the bills' while they wait for their career to take off. It makes me angry to see a comedian on stage call someone a moron because they have a retail job when they themselves work in retail. I love comedy but let's keep it funny, too often people are mean because they're too lazy to write a better joke. It does get a laugh if you're just plain mean. There is a shock value that generates a laugh from an audience but that's lazy and you should aim to be a better comedian than that.
If you focus your jokes on your interaction with the person as an individual or an organised group it's harder. It takes time to find the personal twist that makes that interaction funny but it's also the way to write truly brilliant material. Pick your targets and lampoon away, make fun of the right targets as much as you want, I'll give you a license for that.
That's not to say that I have given myself a license to make fun of everyone. Yes, for the record, I am in charge of issuing licenses entitling the holder to vilify a target of their choosing, what of it? Even so, there are certain groups of people that I don't make fun of, or if I do, it's not because of their association with that group.
For instance, I would never attack someone for being gay but I would point out if someone, who happened to be gay, was being a dickhead. Whatever the joke I made wouldn't be based around their sexuality but on their action that, I felt, made them seem like a dickhead. On one particular occasion I told a joke about a conversation I had with a gay person I knew. In the story I didn't once mention that they were gay because it wasn't important for the story/joke so I left it out. This didn't detract from making it funny but it did detract from making it mean. Maybe I'm old fashioned but if the audience doesn't have to work out if they're 'allowed' to laugh at something it allows them more time to actually laugh at something.
A few weeks ago I told a joke around the topic of anorexia. The joke wasn't about anorexia specifically but was about a woman who voiced her objection to the joke before I had told it. She was offended by the topic before I had finished the joke and my piece was lampooning her reaction. I took great care to avoid voicing any opinion or criticism of those suffering from anorexia for 2 reasons, firstly because I know very little on the subject and secondly because I don't think it's right for an ill-informed jester to poke fun at people suffering from a mental illness. But that's just my opinion.
Many years ago I was told that a joke that I did about a conversation with my then girlfriend (who later became my wife) was misogynistic and that, by implication, I was a misogynist. The joke was about a conversation with a specific individual who happened to be female and never once generalised the view of any gender or group. I hadn't stated or implied that my girlfriend's reaction was 'typical of women' nor anything of the sort. The only reason the audience knew her gender at all was because, by stating she was my girlfriend, it quickly addressed why we were lying naked in bed at the time, which was important to the joke.
The person who said this to me, who's gender is not important, told me that she (whoops) didn't like the joke and that I should change it because it was offensive to women. At the time it upset me and it still makes me angry that someone could construe that because of this joke that I was misogynistic. I think that it's just as offensive to avoid telling a joke about an individual because they are a part of a subset of society as if you generalise about the entire subset. I continued to do the joke because I thought this person was wrong and hey, sometimes women over-react (that's a joke - the author would like to state that both men and women are equally prone to over-reacting).
What i've noticed on the circuit lately is comedians telling jokes that are really mean and disparaging to people who have lowly paid jobs, simply because they have lowly paid jobs. People such as cleaners or staff in fast food restaurants. Again, not every joke that mentions these groups of people is offensive.
A friend of mine has a fabulous story about ordering food in a Red Rooster and the ridiculous events that followed. But that is a specific persons actions, my friend doesn't generalise and say that he did this because he is part of a group. It's very clear that the actions of the person working in the store are the actions of an idiot. Comedians can make fun of people who act like idiots, it says so on our license... which I issued.
What I'm saying is, pick your targets. Don't make fun of someone because they are a cleaner. There could be a thousand reasons why this person didn't become a brain surgeon and instead works the nightshift in the office you work at. To do so is insensitive and mean. But if that individual cleaner does something or says something that is funny then feel free to tell me about it.
I'm just a bit annoyed by people being mean to groups who didn't do anything as a group. If they act as a group then the can be judged as a group but if they act as an individual don't belittle them just because it's easier for you to be lazy and judge them collectively. A good example is the train drivers who work on the underground (tube) in London. They are often criticised by comedians as a group, but they also act as a group and take strike action as a group. It is their willingness to act as a collective that justifies them being judged as a collective. Of course you can judge groups as a whole but do it fairly. Another example, I don't think it's right to say that all Catholics are 'something' but I think it's entirely appropriate to say that the shared actions of the catholic church are hypocritical and harmful to humanity.
I'm not really sure what I'm getting at. I guess the hypocrisy of comedians annoys me sometimes. Comedians do some shit jobs to 'pay the bills' while they wait for their career to take off. It makes me angry to see a comedian on stage call someone a moron because they have a retail job when they themselves work in retail. I love comedy but let's keep it funny, too often people are mean because they're too lazy to write a better joke. It does get a laugh if you're just plain mean. There is a shock value that generates a laugh from an audience but that's lazy and you should aim to be a better comedian than that.
If you focus your jokes on your interaction with the person as an individual or an organised group it's harder. It takes time to find the personal twist that makes that interaction funny but it's also the way to write truly brilliant material. Pick your targets and lampoon away, make fun of the right targets as much as you want, I'll give you a license for that.
Saturday, 22 October 2011
Social Mobility
The need for social mobility has been one of the only things that, for as long as I can remember, all of the political parties in the UK have agreed upon. Everyone agrees that it needs to be improved but there isn't a consensus as to what the required level of social mobility is, only that we aren't there yet. All of the parties have their plans to improve social mobility and will go to great lengths to tell you why the other parties aren't doing enough to increase it.
Last year my wife and I had a frank conversation about the direction we felt the the UK economy was heading and what it meant for our personal prospects. Then, like rats deserting a sinking ship, we emigrated to Australia. We've since been back to the UK for work and have remained keen observers of the UK both politically and economically (although currently, politics seems to be solely dictated by the economy). I mention that I live in Australia because last week I was having a conversation with some friends about social mobility that made me question whether social mobility in the UK is in need of being increased at all.
My Australian friends had a hard time understanding social mobility because Australians generally refuse to acknowledge the class system that exists in Australia. What one of my friends actually said was that, "Australia doesn't have class". Which, whilst true in a literal sense, is untrue in practice. Australia, like the UK, has haves and have-nots. The have-nots want to join the ranks of the haves, and the haves want to have more. Just because the UK has a formally recognised class system doesn't mean that it's the only place in the world where social mobility is an issue. This battle to have more is the common understanding of what social mobility is.
In my observations of the UK I have concluded that, despite conflicting statements from almost every politician, social mobility in the UK is at an all time high. But in this era of austerity how is that possible? Quite simply because we, like the politicians that pander to us, need to properly understand social mobility. It is the movement from one class - or status group - to another. It is not, to use our simplified definition, the battle to have more. Social mobility is our battle to have a different amount. Mobility is not defined by its direction but by its ability to move. Sure it can move up, but it can also move down.
For generations education has been seen as the key to social mobility and it still is. However, in years past, UK students would graduate and get a job. This job would be a better job than they could have achieved without a tertiary qualification and thus their journey to upward social mobility had begun. This was their right, irrespective of how poor their grades were. Graduating university virtually guaranteed upward social mobility.
Today, for middle class students, the absolute best case scenario is that graduating university will mean they avoid social mobility altogether and stay right where they are. Unfortunately for most graduates, the high levels of debt they graduate with and the complete lack of employment opportunities means an almost certain downward social move. Working class youths are now not only being priced out of tertiary education, they are now competing with middle class graduates for poorly paid unskilled jobs. For those who don't go to university, moving up is not an option, so stagnation is also the best case scenario.
What about the post baby boom generation who have worked hard their whole life and sensibly planned for their retirement? Well the markets have crashed, Europe and America are broke and that retirement fund, if it doesn't go bankrupt, won't be worth what you thought it would be by the time you retire. Oh, and you'll probably have to retire many years later than you planned thanks to new laws and lack of options.
Due to the housing bubble, who knows what your property will be worth when you want to retire so you might not even be able to fund your retirement by selling that. Graduates and non-graduates are all equally unemployed so the chances of them buying their own home, one of previous generations other keys to upward social mobility, is a distant dream. Get used to renting kids, because owning your own home is becoming just something your grandparents used to do.
It might be better to voluntarily take some downward social mobility now just to get used to it. If fighting it is futile then why bother wasting your energy on it? For generations we have aspired to be better off than the generation before and, up until now, that has been possible. Unfortunately, like a balloon, this constant expansion isn't going to end well so, in order to avoid the bang, let's voluntarily let a little air out of our dreams.
We've been told for so long now that we should be doing better that we've come to demand it. But now that we are starting to realise that we won't be able to do better, maybe it's time to start embracing the long forgotten concept of the noble working class. We simply can't all be wealthy. Being poor isn't just something you should get used to, ultimately it's something you've always wanted.
For decades, when you asked a teenager what they wanted to do when they grew up, there were always those who didn't really want to do anything. Well congratulations, your dreams have come true, now you don't have to do anything. Since there are no jobs for you you can stay unemployed, it's trendy now and you won't be alone.
We love a rags to riches story. We always have. We love reading about how Jay-Z grew up with nothing and had to sell drugs to survive. How he lived in 'the projects' and how he achieved so much when he started with so little. Well the good news is that, if the UK continues on its current path, the UK will have more and more children starting life with the same advantages as Jay-Z. Imagine how proud you'll be of your child if they achieve greatness now.
Don't listen to the politicians, the UK currently has record levels of social mobility. Unfortunately everyone is moving the wrong way. But the future is looking bright. Soon you'll be so low, you'll only be able to move up.
Last year my wife and I had a frank conversation about the direction we felt the the UK economy was heading and what it meant for our personal prospects. Then, like rats deserting a sinking ship, we emigrated to Australia. We've since been back to the UK for work and have remained keen observers of the UK both politically and economically (although currently, politics seems to be solely dictated by the economy). I mention that I live in Australia because last week I was having a conversation with some friends about social mobility that made me question whether social mobility in the UK is in need of being increased at all.
My Australian friends had a hard time understanding social mobility because Australians generally refuse to acknowledge the class system that exists in Australia. What one of my friends actually said was that, "Australia doesn't have class". Which, whilst true in a literal sense, is untrue in practice. Australia, like the UK, has haves and have-nots. The have-nots want to join the ranks of the haves, and the haves want to have more. Just because the UK has a formally recognised class system doesn't mean that it's the only place in the world where social mobility is an issue. This battle to have more is the common understanding of what social mobility is.
In my observations of the UK I have concluded that, despite conflicting statements from almost every politician, social mobility in the UK is at an all time high. But in this era of austerity how is that possible? Quite simply because we, like the politicians that pander to us, need to properly understand social mobility. It is the movement from one class - or status group - to another. It is not, to use our simplified definition, the battle to have more. Social mobility is our battle to have a different amount. Mobility is not defined by its direction but by its ability to move. Sure it can move up, but it can also move down.
For generations education has been seen as the key to social mobility and it still is. However, in years past, UK students would graduate and get a job. This job would be a better job than they could have achieved without a tertiary qualification and thus their journey to upward social mobility had begun. This was their right, irrespective of how poor their grades were. Graduating university virtually guaranteed upward social mobility.
Today, for middle class students, the absolute best case scenario is that graduating university will mean they avoid social mobility altogether and stay right where they are. Unfortunately for most graduates, the high levels of debt they graduate with and the complete lack of employment opportunities means an almost certain downward social move. Working class youths are now not only being priced out of tertiary education, they are now competing with middle class graduates for poorly paid unskilled jobs. For those who don't go to university, moving up is not an option, so stagnation is also the best case scenario.
What about the post baby boom generation who have worked hard their whole life and sensibly planned for their retirement? Well the markets have crashed, Europe and America are broke and that retirement fund, if it doesn't go bankrupt, won't be worth what you thought it would be by the time you retire. Oh, and you'll probably have to retire many years later than you planned thanks to new laws and lack of options.
Due to the housing bubble, who knows what your property will be worth when you want to retire so you might not even be able to fund your retirement by selling that. Graduates and non-graduates are all equally unemployed so the chances of them buying their own home, one of previous generations other keys to upward social mobility, is a distant dream. Get used to renting kids, because owning your own home is becoming just something your grandparents used to do.
It might be better to voluntarily take some downward social mobility now just to get used to it. If fighting it is futile then why bother wasting your energy on it? For generations we have aspired to be better off than the generation before and, up until now, that has been possible. Unfortunately, like a balloon, this constant expansion isn't going to end well so, in order to avoid the bang, let's voluntarily let a little air out of our dreams.
We've been told for so long now that we should be doing better that we've come to demand it. But now that we are starting to realise that we won't be able to do better, maybe it's time to start embracing the long forgotten concept of the noble working class. We simply can't all be wealthy. Being poor isn't just something you should get used to, ultimately it's something you've always wanted.
For decades, when you asked a teenager what they wanted to do when they grew up, there were always those who didn't really want to do anything. Well congratulations, your dreams have come true, now you don't have to do anything. Since there are no jobs for you you can stay unemployed, it's trendy now and you won't be alone.
We love a rags to riches story. We always have. We love reading about how Jay-Z grew up with nothing and had to sell drugs to survive. How he lived in 'the projects' and how he achieved so much when he started with so little. Well the good news is that, if the UK continues on its current path, the UK will have more and more children starting life with the same advantages as Jay-Z. Imagine how proud you'll be of your child if they achieve greatness now.
Don't listen to the politicians, the UK currently has record levels of social mobility. Unfortunately everyone is moving the wrong way. But the future is looking bright. Soon you'll be so low, you'll only be able to move up.
Monday, 17 October 2011
As Old As You Feel
So we had my parents staying with us this weekend. Whether you're a teenager or an adult your parents can sometimes make you feel like a child. It's not something they do on purpose, it's just what happens sometimes. Parents start their relationship with you well before you become an adult. Sometimes they forget that, in the intervening time, you have become an adult. I can report that this week my parents didn't make me feel like a child at all.
They stayed on our sofa bed and we had a fantastic time. The only reason I mention this is because on a weekend where I was expecting to be made to feel young, I ended up feeling old. I'm not old and I know this to be true. Equally I'm not young and I had this made clear to me on Friday night.
It was about half past seven on Friday evening and my wife and I were at home. We weren't going out, but some young people occasionally don't go out on a Friday night too... don't they? I was getting the DVD player ready to watch the final season of Sopranos, which is a show that young people also like, nothing unusual there. My wife was cooking Kung Po chicken and she realised that we didn't have any peanuts. Everyone, no matter their age, knows that Kung Po chicken needs peanuts so I went across the road to the shops.
As I got to the traffic lights there were two girls handing out flyers. They seemed to be old enough to get into a bar but not old enough to like any bar that I would want to go to. I passed by without them offering me a flyer. I figured that this was because I was very clearly not wearing the type of attire that would be suitable for whatever club they were handing out flyers for. Personally I feel that tracksuit pants with a hole in the knee and a Minnesota Vikings jersey make a very fetching outfit and this mystical club would be lucky to have me. It couldn't have been because I looked too old to go to their club. Surely not.
As I was standing there, waiting for the lights to turn green and not crossing illegally, like a responsible adult, I heard these two girls speak. They were obviously not friends but had been thrown together by their common desire to earn minimum wage. As they stood there, getting to know each other, I listened. The tall one spoke first, she had the tone of someone who would find handing out flyers to be a mental strain, and she said, "so, I turned 20 last month, right."
I have assumed that her use of "right" at the end of her sentence was merely a linguistical tick of todays youth and not her attempt to form a question. Her colleague, the short one, replied, "Really?"
This was a question. I'm almost certain of it. What exactly she was questioning I'm not sure. She was either trying to confirm the accuracy of the tall one's statement or requesting clarification as to what a number was. Either way, she was shocked. The tall one acknowledged her shock and responded, "I know, but I always say that you're only as old as you feel and I definitely don't feel like a 20 year old."
Don't feel like a 20 year old! What do you mean, you don't feel like a 20 year old? The disdain in her voice towards her ever growing years made me want to punch her. I had a little aggression built up at this point anyway because, by this stage, I had worked out that the reason they didn't give me a flyer was because I was clearly too old for their stupid club. How could they cut me so deep with their eyes? Their youthful, judging, hate filled eyes.
I would love to be 20 again. Twenty year olds are now children from where I'm standing. I have my parents staying in my house this weekend and you're not going to give me a flyer because you're feeling over-the-hill? It's important for me to restate, I'm not considered old by the majority of people and I'm aware of that. But, at that moment, I felt old.
Earlier that evening, while my wife was preparing the vegetables for dinner, I was in the bathroom and after trimming my beard I realised that I had to trim my ear hair. This is not something that I've had to do before. It's not be a big deal, it's just part of the ageing process. But on the evening when you trim your ear hair for the first time, and you're faced with the reality of your decaying body, you definitely don't want to hear some pretty little twenty year old bitching about her impending retirement.
After buying the peanuts I went home and for the entire weekend my parents treated me like an adult. But I'm not an adult. I'm young, immature and reckless goddammit!!! Why didn't my parents just tell me to go to my room? Or threaten to cut off my allowance if I didn't do my chores? Why did they pick this weekend as the time to treat me like an adult?
So this weekend I learned two things. Firstly that Kung Po chicken tastes better with peanuts and I'm glad I went across the road to get them. Secondly I learned that I'm getting older. I'm not old yet, but I'm definitely on my way. If you're only as old as you feel, this weekend, I felt old. However those girls are young. I don't care if they feel old, they're young. They may not have come across as the brightest people I've ever encountered, but they're young... for now.
They stayed on our sofa bed and we had a fantastic time. The only reason I mention this is because on a weekend where I was expecting to be made to feel young, I ended up feeling old. I'm not old and I know this to be true. Equally I'm not young and I had this made clear to me on Friday night.
It was about half past seven on Friday evening and my wife and I were at home. We weren't going out, but some young people occasionally don't go out on a Friday night too... don't they? I was getting the DVD player ready to watch the final season of Sopranos, which is a show that young people also like, nothing unusual there. My wife was cooking Kung Po chicken and she realised that we didn't have any peanuts. Everyone, no matter their age, knows that Kung Po chicken needs peanuts so I went across the road to the shops.
As I got to the traffic lights there were two girls handing out flyers. They seemed to be old enough to get into a bar but not old enough to like any bar that I would want to go to. I passed by without them offering me a flyer. I figured that this was because I was very clearly not wearing the type of attire that would be suitable for whatever club they were handing out flyers for. Personally I feel that tracksuit pants with a hole in the knee and a Minnesota Vikings jersey make a very fetching outfit and this mystical club would be lucky to have me. It couldn't have been because I looked too old to go to their club. Surely not.
As I was standing there, waiting for the lights to turn green and not crossing illegally, like a responsible adult, I heard these two girls speak. They were obviously not friends but had been thrown together by their common desire to earn minimum wage. As they stood there, getting to know each other, I listened. The tall one spoke first, she had the tone of someone who would find handing out flyers to be a mental strain, and she said, "so, I turned 20 last month, right."
I have assumed that her use of "right" at the end of her sentence was merely a linguistical tick of todays youth and not her attempt to form a question. Her colleague, the short one, replied, "Really?"
This was a question. I'm almost certain of it. What exactly she was questioning I'm not sure. She was either trying to confirm the accuracy of the tall one's statement or requesting clarification as to what a number was. Either way, she was shocked. The tall one acknowledged her shock and responded, "I know, but I always say that you're only as old as you feel and I definitely don't feel like a 20 year old."
Don't feel like a 20 year old! What do you mean, you don't feel like a 20 year old? The disdain in her voice towards her ever growing years made me want to punch her. I had a little aggression built up at this point anyway because, by this stage, I had worked out that the reason they didn't give me a flyer was because I was clearly too old for their stupid club. How could they cut me so deep with their eyes? Their youthful, judging, hate filled eyes.
I would love to be 20 again. Twenty year olds are now children from where I'm standing. I have my parents staying in my house this weekend and you're not going to give me a flyer because you're feeling over-the-hill? It's important for me to restate, I'm not considered old by the majority of people and I'm aware of that. But, at that moment, I felt old.
Earlier that evening, while my wife was preparing the vegetables for dinner, I was in the bathroom and after trimming my beard I realised that I had to trim my ear hair. This is not something that I've had to do before. It's not be a big deal, it's just part of the ageing process. But on the evening when you trim your ear hair for the first time, and you're faced with the reality of your decaying body, you definitely don't want to hear some pretty little twenty year old bitching about her impending retirement.
After buying the peanuts I went home and for the entire weekend my parents treated me like an adult. But I'm not an adult. I'm young, immature and reckless goddammit!!! Why didn't my parents just tell me to go to my room? Or threaten to cut off my allowance if I didn't do my chores? Why did they pick this weekend as the time to treat me like an adult?
So this weekend I learned two things. Firstly that Kung Po chicken tastes better with peanuts and I'm glad I went across the road to get them. Secondly I learned that I'm getting older. I'm not old yet, but I'm definitely on my way. If you're only as old as you feel, this weekend, I felt old. However those girls are young. I don't care if they feel old, they're young. They may not have come across as the brightest people I've ever encountered, but they're young... for now.
Wednesday, 5 October 2011
To Character Or Not
Lately I have been performing some of my stand up 'in character'. It's been a lot of fun but I'm not sure if I'm going to continue it or not. I'm not expecting you to answer this question by the way, this isn't a cry for affirmation... well not for any more than the normal amount of affirmation I need to get through my week. The act of writing a blog is a massive cry for affirmation, as is performing stand up. I'm aware of my neediness, no need to point it out.
I've really been enjoying my performance lately and that might partly be down to mixing performing the character with performing as me. To explain, for those of you who haven't seen it or heard me talk about it, the character is a drunk, recently divorced stand up comedian who is reassessing his life and is bitter and angry about where he finds himself. Personally I love a good breakdown and this is a fun persona to play with.
The idea of the character came from watching the multiple comedians I've known over the years who have gone through a divorce. They all seem to spend a couple of months (sometimes longer) drinking heavily and being really bitter and angry. They then naturally take it on stage with them. It obviously affects their performance but because they're normally seasoned professionals they tend to 'get away with it' just enough for the gig to turn out okay. Then they normally get through to the other side, get their life back on track and get back to being hilarious comedians. I can think of one or 2 exceptions who have just stayed bitter and angry for years... they aren't the fun people you want to hang out with.
I however love the energy they took on stage with them. I love the bitterness and stream-of-consciousness that comes out of their mouths, the unedited emotion. So the character is my attempt to harness that emotion but to have some killer jokes to go with it. Thing is, I am really happy with how it's coming along.
There have been a few gigs where the audience hasn't worked out that it's a character. There have been 2 particular gigs where my acting has been so unfortunately convincing that even other comics, that I know quite well, have come up to me afterwards and asked, "are you really drunk or was it an act?" Hear that casting agents - I'm awesome at acting!
There were always going to be teething problems. I have spent the last 9 years learning how to be 'me' on stage, so I can't expect to have a completely different persona perfected after only a couple of handfuls of gigs. But it is definitely getting there. I need to let the audience in on the fact it's a character and I'm learning how far I can push the boundaries. Granted, I'm learning where the boundaries are in a retrospective fashion after I've clearly crossed them but hindsight is a fantastic teacher.
There was the time that I was on stage, in character, and chatting to a girl in the audience when I asked her, "how many cocks would you say is an absolute maximum?" There was context, but I'm not going to tell you what it is... I also closed a gig by saying that "I didn't want to get a divorce. Sure I hated ever second I was with her, but I really liked the idea of watching her slowly die." You can see why the audience reactions may have been mixed when it wasn't obvious that this was a character.
But if I'm getting so much out of performing as a character why am I considering stopping it? Two reasons really. Firstly, I'm not sure where it'll go. I don't think I want to take it to a full hour show and tour it so is it worth it? And secondly, it's taking so much time and I'm not convinced that that time wouldn't be better spent on improving and expanding my stand up. Which I would like to get back to touring. I've missed the occasional international gig and the sad lonely weekends spent crying in hotels. For some reason I'd love to get back into doing them again.
There are only so many hours that you can focus on writing and then only so many gigs where you can try it out. I've had about 10 minutes of new material (for me) written out for weeks now that I haven't done. Every time I go to an open mic room I end up doing the character, so I haven't tried this new stuff out. It's been fun writing the character but I earn my money performing as me and I want to continue to expand that.
I have a new found energy for stand up. I think that has come from doing something different, so the character has been good and I can always come back to it. For next year's Adelaide Fringe Festival and Sydney Comedy Festival I am going to be doing a joint show with my wife. It's kind of a play crossed with stand up. We've performed it before in the UK but we're in the process of editing it. That takes time to do too. Then there will be rehearsals and all the other fun that comes with a new show. So I've got stuff to do, more than enough to keep me busy.
I would rather work hard on the show and on my stand up whilst ignoring the character than to do all of them and not have enough time to do any of them well. Plus I have this blog to write.
I've really been enjoying my performance lately and that might partly be down to mixing performing the character with performing as me. To explain, for those of you who haven't seen it or heard me talk about it, the character is a drunk, recently divorced stand up comedian who is reassessing his life and is bitter and angry about where he finds himself. Personally I love a good breakdown and this is a fun persona to play with.
The idea of the character came from watching the multiple comedians I've known over the years who have gone through a divorce. They all seem to spend a couple of months (sometimes longer) drinking heavily and being really bitter and angry. They then naturally take it on stage with them. It obviously affects their performance but because they're normally seasoned professionals they tend to 'get away with it' just enough for the gig to turn out okay. Then they normally get through to the other side, get their life back on track and get back to being hilarious comedians. I can think of one or 2 exceptions who have just stayed bitter and angry for years... they aren't the fun people you want to hang out with.
I however love the energy they took on stage with them. I love the bitterness and stream-of-consciousness that comes out of their mouths, the unedited emotion. So the character is my attempt to harness that emotion but to have some killer jokes to go with it. Thing is, I am really happy with how it's coming along.
There have been a few gigs where the audience hasn't worked out that it's a character. There have been 2 particular gigs where my acting has been so unfortunately convincing that even other comics, that I know quite well, have come up to me afterwards and asked, "are you really drunk or was it an act?" Hear that casting agents - I'm awesome at acting!
There were always going to be teething problems. I have spent the last 9 years learning how to be 'me' on stage, so I can't expect to have a completely different persona perfected after only a couple of handfuls of gigs. But it is definitely getting there. I need to let the audience in on the fact it's a character and I'm learning how far I can push the boundaries. Granted, I'm learning where the boundaries are in a retrospective fashion after I've clearly crossed them but hindsight is a fantastic teacher.
There was the time that I was on stage, in character, and chatting to a girl in the audience when I asked her, "how many cocks would you say is an absolute maximum?" There was context, but I'm not going to tell you what it is... I also closed a gig by saying that "I didn't want to get a divorce. Sure I hated ever second I was with her, but I really liked the idea of watching her slowly die." You can see why the audience reactions may have been mixed when it wasn't obvious that this was a character.
But if I'm getting so much out of performing as a character why am I considering stopping it? Two reasons really. Firstly, I'm not sure where it'll go. I don't think I want to take it to a full hour show and tour it so is it worth it? And secondly, it's taking so much time and I'm not convinced that that time wouldn't be better spent on improving and expanding my stand up. Which I would like to get back to touring. I've missed the occasional international gig and the sad lonely weekends spent crying in hotels. For some reason I'd love to get back into doing them again.
There are only so many hours that you can focus on writing and then only so many gigs where you can try it out. I've had about 10 minutes of new material (for me) written out for weeks now that I haven't done. Every time I go to an open mic room I end up doing the character, so I haven't tried this new stuff out. It's been fun writing the character but I earn my money performing as me and I want to continue to expand that.
I have a new found energy for stand up. I think that has come from doing something different, so the character has been good and I can always come back to it. For next year's Adelaide Fringe Festival and Sydney Comedy Festival I am going to be doing a joint show with my wife. It's kind of a play crossed with stand up. We've performed it before in the UK but we're in the process of editing it. That takes time to do too. Then there will be rehearsals and all the other fun that comes with a new show. So I've got stuff to do, more than enough to keep me busy.
I would rather work hard on the show and on my stand up whilst ignoring the character than to do all of them and not have enough time to do any of them well. Plus I have this blog to write.
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