Here, Read This

The title of this blog “Here, Read This” is not just a cunning advertising ploy on my part to grab the attention of passing internet traffic… although if it did I’m glad you’re here. “Here, read this” is what my friend said to me last week when he gave me a book to read. It is one of his favourite books and a book that I am now obligated to read.

It’s a theme of my blogs that I have to clarify my point and make sure you know that I’m not a complete dick, so allow me to acknowledge the following points:

• Loaning me a book was a very nice thing to do. He thought about me, about my tastes and felt that I would really enjoy reading this book
• This is his book, his property, so to hand it over to me and to trust me with its well being was also a nice thing to do

So can we agree that I’m not oblivious to the realities of friendship and that I am aware of the positives that are glaringly obvious from this exchange? I felt it was necessary to include the above disclaimer because the statement that follows kind of makes me sound like a bit of a dick.

My friend gave me a book to read. What an arsehole!!

Now I’m under pressure to read the book. I don’t deal well with pressure. I’m a ridiculously slow reader. Even if I gave it my all, the absolute earliest I would have this book read by is Easter next year?

I’ve been reading Don Quixote for the last 14 months and that’s not an exaggeration for comic effect. Obviously I haven’t been reading it constantly for all of that time. I’m about 3 quarters of the way through it and I have half read another book in that time. I also stopped reading it completely for 5 months when I went travelling through China, Vietnam and across Australia. My point is I don’t have a lot of focus when I read.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy reading, I do. Reading is fantastic. I absolutely adore the English language. I am a professional wordsmith (that is, without a doubt, the wankiest way I’ve ever described myself). I’m a comedian and I make a living from my ability to turn a phrase. It’s an ability I have because of the fantastic literature that I have read. However, I have the attention span of…

When I lived in London I would take the tube everywhere, and I always had my book in my bag, so whenever I sat down on the tube I would pull out my book and read. It was a fantastic way to enjoy a book and to pass the time of an otherwise dull journey. The only downside is that I got out of the habit of reading at home. I got out of the habit of making time to read a book. Now I walk everywhere in Sydney. So I don’t have an opportunity to read on trains or buses and I haven’t had the discipline to make any other time to read.

I do read a lot though, I read loads of blogs and articles. I read them when I should be working on the computer, I can also read them on my phone while I’m waiting to meet a friend. They’re convenient and it means I take in a lot of different points of view on a lot of different subjects. But a book is a commitment that I am out of the habit of making. A while ago I realised this and recently I started reading when I go to bed. Just for 15 minutes a night but it’s amazing how quickly I’ve started to look forward to it. Telling my friend about this that inspired the loaning of the stupid book in the first place. Me and my big mouth, always getting me into trouble.

So now I’m faced with a dilemma. Do I finish the other books first or do I drop them and read my friends’ book first? If I finish the other books first it may be some time before he gets his book back, but if I don’t continue with the books I have on the go I may never finish them.

I haven’t even started to examine the pressure that I’m under to like this book. This is what always bugs me about when someone lends me a book. Eventually I’ve got to give it back and when I give it back he’ll ask me what I thought of it. When he gave me the book he told me that it’s one of his favourite books, that he loves it and that I’m guaranteed to think it’s amazing. I would hope you would think I would like a book if you lend it to me: for me a book is at least a 6 month commitment so I can’t waste time with books that you aren’t certain I’ll like. But don’t make a big thing about it because that just puts the burden on me to love it as much as you do. I can’t guarantee I’m going to ‘love it’. I’ll do my best, promise.

This is one of my longer blogs and I could have spent this time reading that stupid book. But I didn’t, I wrote this blog so you could read it instead of reading a book yourself. You’re welcome and I hope you enjoyed it. Books are great but blogs and articles are so much more convenient. If you suggest to a friend that they should read a blog, it’s easy to read and you don’t have to physically give them the blog. You don’t hold it over them and put them under immense pressure to finish it in a reasonable time. There is no guilt-trip to love it just as much as you. It’s just a blog, email them the link and see if they enjoy it. If they do, they can read the next one. If they don’t, they haven’t wasted the best part of a year reading something that sucks.

This wasn’t just a subtle hint for you to tell your friends about my blog. But if you want to, I’m not going to stop you. Tell the people you like about it. If you don’t like someone, loan them a really long book. Then, a week later, ask them if they’ve finished it yet.