Physiotherapy

Physiotherapy is a valid practice. There, so don’t sue me; I don’t want to get into the whole Simon Singh lawsuit territory. So for the record I’m not saying that physiotherapy is hogwash or lacking in any scientific merit… I will say that for me, currently, I just can’t see the point of going to see a physiotherapist.

Yesterday I went for a jog before work. I didn’t go for any grand purpose; I simply thought it would be a good way to start the day. I just downloaded a heap of teach-yourself-French podcasts and since they’re about 20 minutes long I thought it would be nice to go for a 20 minute run and listen to one of them. Anyway, on my run I seem to have pulled my calf muscle. Not badly but it’s a bit sore and I’ve got a slight limp because of it.

Someone I work with suggested that I should go to ‘the physio’. When I asked why, he said that they would give it a good massage and with a bit of rest it’d be better again in a week. Thing is that I’m sure it’ll be fine in a week if I just rest it, no need for the physio. Sure, it would probably heal slightly faster if I went to the physio, but really, what’s the point?

I’m not a professional athlete. I’m a comedian. I walk 5 feet from the back-stage to the microphone and then I pretty much stand still for 20 minutes. Physio’s cost money and being nimble is simply not a necessity for me. Sure I can’t go running for a week, but running is actually quite hard and sitting on the sofa listening to my podcasts is much much easier.

Here in Australia being sporty and active is seen almost as an obligation. Given that Australia is now the second most obese country on the planet it’s obviously not a binding obligation. But, by the people who aren’t clinically chubbified, doing sport is something you’ve got to do and do regularly. Hence physiotherapy has blossomed in Australia.

I was speaking with a physio from Belgium a few months ago (we were having a chat while drinking beer in a completely non-physio way) and she said that physiotherapists in Australia are the highest paid in the world. That’s not a verified fact and I was quite drunk at the time, but the way physiotherapists are talked about in conversation amongst the sporty people I know you’d think they were deities in some unholy Nike religion.

Everyone ‘has’ a physio and people are always willing to recommend a good physio to those heathens, such as myself, who don’t ‘have’ a physio of their own. It’s like Scientology and Amway rolled into one – for every loser you sucker in you get to move up the pyramid to an injury free paradise.

Well Australia, I’m not joining your cult. I hurt my leg and I’m fine with it. Sure I won’t be able to go for a run for a week and I’ll just have to deal with that. I’m going to take the money I would have spent on physiotherapy and I’m going to go to my church – the pub.