As Old As You Feel

So we had my parents staying with us this weekend. Whether you're a teenager or an adult your parents can sometimes make you feel like a child. It's not something they do on purpose, it's just what happens sometimes. Parents start their relationship with you well before you become an adult. Sometimes they forget that, in the intervening time, you have become an adult. I can report that this week my parents didn't make me feel like a child at all.

They stayed on our sofa bed and we had a fantastic time. The only reason I mention this is because on a weekend where I was expecting to be made to feel young, I ended up feeling old. I'm not old and I know this to be true. Equally I'm not young and I had this made clear to me on Friday night.

It was about half past seven on Friday evening and my wife and I were at home. We weren't going out, but some young people occasionally don't go out on a Friday night too... don't they? I was getting the DVD player ready to watch the final season of Sopranos, which is a show that young people also like, nothing unusual there. My wife was cooking Kung Po chicken and she realised that we didn't have any peanuts. Everyone, no matter their age, knows that Kung Po chicken needs peanuts so I went across the road to the shops.

As I got to the traffic lights there were two girls handing out flyers. They seemed to be old enough to get into a bar but not old enough to like any bar that I would want to go to. I passed by without them offering me a flyer. I figured that this was because I was very clearly not wearing the type of attire that would be suitable for whatever club they were handing out flyers for. Personally I feel that tracksuit pants with a hole in the knee and a Minnesota Vikings jersey make a very fetching outfit and this mystical club would be lucky to have me. It couldn't have been because I looked too old to go to their club. Surely not.

As I was standing there, waiting for the lights to turn green and not crossing illegally, like a responsible adult, I heard these two girls speak. They were obviously not friends but had been thrown together by their common desire to earn minimum wage. As they stood there, getting to know each other, I listened. The tall one spoke first, she had the tone of someone who would find handing out flyers to be a mental strain, and she said, "so, I turned 20 last month, right."

I have assumed that her use of "right" at the end of her sentence was merely a linguistical tick of todays youth and not her attempt to form a question. Her colleague, the short one, replied, "Really?"

This was a question. I'm almost certain of it. What exactly she was questioning I'm not sure. She was either trying to confirm the accuracy of the tall one's statement or requesting clarification as to what a number was. Either way, she was shocked. The tall one acknowledged her shock and responded, "I know, but I always say that you're only as old as you feel and I definitely don't feel like a 20 year old."

Don't feel like a 20 year old! What do you mean, you don't feel like a 20 year old? The disdain in her voice towards her ever growing years made me want to punch her. I had a little aggression built up at this point anyway because, by this stage, I had worked out that the reason they didn't give me a flyer was because I was clearly too old for their stupid club. How could they cut me so deep with their eyes? Their youthful, judging, hate filled eyes.

I would love to be 20 again. Twenty year olds are now children from where I'm standing. I have my parents staying in my house this weekend and you're not going to give me a flyer because you're feeling over-the-hill? It's important for me to restate, I'm not considered old by the majority of people and I'm aware of that. But, at that moment, I felt old.

Earlier that evening, while my wife was preparing the vegetables for dinner, I was in the bathroom and after trimming my beard I realised that I had to trim my ear hair. This is not something that I've had to do before. It's not be a big deal, it's just part of the ageing process. But on the evening when you trim your ear hair for the first time, and you're faced with the reality of your decaying body, you definitely don't want to hear some pretty little twenty year old bitching about her impending retirement.

After buying the peanuts I went home and for the entire weekend my parents treated me like an adult. But I'm not an adult. I'm young, immature and reckless goddammit!!! Why didn't my parents just tell me to go to my room? Or threaten to cut off my allowance if I didn't do my chores? Why did they pick this weekend as the time to treat me like an adult?

So this weekend I learned two things. Firstly that Kung Po chicken tastes better with peanuts and I'm glad I went across the road to get them. Secondly I learned that I'm getting older. I'm not old yet, but I'm definitely on my way. If you're only as old as you feel, this weekend, I felt old. However those girls are young. I don't care if they feel old, they're young. They may not have come across as the brightest people I've ever encountered, but they're young... for now.