Sacrifice One

In life we make choices. Sometimes we pose questions just to see what our answers would be. A test, if you will, to identify just where our moral boundaries lie. We have all played the game. Questions such as, "if you had the chance to kill Hitler as a child, knowing what he would become, would you kill him?" The simple premise of the question being, would you sacrifice one to save many?

I've been asked that question several times, granted, normally after a lot of alcohol, but I've never felt comfortable with the question. It's not the concept of sacrificing one that I disagree with. I have always thought, that if you had the knowledge that far in advance of what Hitler would become why not just take steps to change his morally reprehensible thinking. Give the guy the cuddle he so obviously needed and teach him the beauty of humanity. He was clearly a charismatic and powerful leader, so if we could have changed his doctrine he may have become a unifying force instead of a destructive one.

But that's my solution to that particular moral quandary. Why am I thinking of these questions? Quite simply, because I've currently got a lot of time on my hands. I'm sitting on a plane from Sydney to London. It is, if you pardon my bluntness, a shit of a journey. It takes roughly 24 hours and it seems that you somehow arrive in London the day before you departed Sydney. I'm sleep deprived right now so if you were to tell me it's got something to do with the bending of the space time continuum, I would probably just nod and agree.

Ever since the introduction of on-demand movies this journey has become marginally more bearable, but only marginally. I've watched back-to-back movies for the past 13 hours and yet I still find myself to be a little angry. That may be due to the fact that I watched The Green Hornet, and several other films that have Seth Rogen in them, but that isn't the entire reason. If I'm being honest, I've been a little angry ever since I got on the plane. I should also include a disclaimer that I have had a few of those handy mini bottles of wine - although I think I'll probably agree with my suggestion sober as well.

The problem of air travel is that you board a plane and have to walk through first class and then business class before you get to the shitty, uncomfortable-as-fuck economy class. As I boarded this flight there were three 10-14 year old brats sitting there playing their handheld games and complaining about wanting to put their bed out now, even though they've been told they can't do that until the plane has taken off. As these little 5 foot tall dickheads are moaning, their dickhead parents are drinking champagne and watching my 6 foot 4 inch frown as I walk through to my economy seat designed to be 'just big enough' for a garden gnome.

So my proposal is that each flight should have a lottery for the economy-class passengers. A 'Golden Boarding Pass' if you will. Just one per flight, one winner per flight should be enough for the general mood of the economy ticket holders to be raised exponentially. But how will, what is essentially, a raffle help on a 24 hour journey? You haven't heard the prize yet... and no, it's not a free upgrade.

The winner of the Golden Boarding Pass is notified when they check in. I haven't worked out how this would work with online check-in but I'll figure it out. They're notified at check-in that they've won, that should give them enough time to prepare themselves for their prize. And when they board, the Golden Boarding Pass holder is entitled to punch someone in first class in their smug little face. Just one punch, I'm not malicious.

Then, and this is the real genius of the plan, footage of the punch is available on demand throughout the flight via the in-flight entertainment system. That way, when ever someone in economy is feeling a little angry, they can turn on their 2 by 2 inch screen and watch someone they want to punch in the face getting punched in the face.

It's a perfect example of how sacrificing one could benefit the many. I am aware that in this blog I have let a young Hitler live and punched a relatively innocent and potentially lovely person in the face. That's what happens when you've been sitting in economy for this long. I'm not a bad person, I'm sometimes irrational, but I'm not bad. I just want some sleep and to be able to extend my knees. Oh, and I really really want to punch the guy who sneered at me when I walked through first class. He was about 40, wearing tan chinos and a navy polo shirt. So if you've got the Golden Boarding Pass, punch him.